Of Sharks and Chris McLean
by baabaaer
Summary: Why can sharks in Total Drama act rather humanly? How can Chris give them jobs? And what are those weird names in the story anyways? And who gave me these stupid ideas? Observe, as a crack fiction writer attempts to dig into where he never has to dig in the first place.


**Author's note:**

**Hello, and thank you for the previous comments given to my last fanfiction. Now I wil present a crossover of my favourite story, The Silmarillion, and the cartoon I am recently hooked up with, Total Drama series. I am more into exploring the world of Total Drama, so I can be seen as overthinking some stuffs you can chalk up as a Rule of Funny. It is a good source of inspiration for me, and it gives me better focus when deciding what to write.**

**I shall not claim any ownership on the rights of Total Drama series nor The Silmarillion. They belong to their respective owners, which I will not mention here out of fear of misattribution.**

**Without further delays, enjoy.**

"Lord Melkor, I brought you gifts."

Melkor looked to the source of the voice. His servant, Ossë , carried fishes from the warmer waters of Arda, inside an oversized pot. Being a Maia, he had no problem sprinting from Girdle of Arda to Utumno to carry them. The problem lied in whether Melkor will be pleased.

Melkor smiled to Ossë, and motioned for him to come closer. Ossë brought the pot closer to Melkor. There is a cuboid-shaped transparent pot with a clear liquid in it. From the smell, Ossë can smell that it's saltwater.

"Ossë, be a dear, and pour those fishes you brought me into this."

Ossë poured the fishes gently, afraid to harm every one of them. Melkor needed it for his research, and He will not enjoy torturing already harmed creatures. Melkor flashed a smile when he saw the multitude of Yavanna's creations pour into the transparent pot.

"My Lord, if you will grace me with an answer," curtsied Ossë, "what is this transparent pot? And by which means had you crafted it?"

"This, my friend, is what I call, ...".

I, the narrator, shall not give you the name that Melkor gave. For it is of the Valarin, of which that Valar themselves stopped its use to both Eldar and Edain, but for a few choice words, that the great author Tolkien himself, seems fit to enlighten us . And of terrible quality is such tongue, that I can't suffer the night without my laptop soothing me to sleep for weeks.

Suffice to say, in English, we called it an Aquarium. And thus will it be translated.

"Of such craft and mastery had you forged your pot, My Lord. Truly are you, the worthy Lord of Arda!"

"Of this, it's only a child's play, my dear Ossë. With your gift, I shall present to you the very power of me, for you to witness, that even Mairon himself has yet to witness! Stay! For the performance is about to begin!"

And Melkor began his perversion, crafting out the creatures that Valië Yavanna had crafted out of her obedience to Eru Ilúvatar, creatures of malice and fear. Out of the gracious dolphins itself had Melkor crafted the sharks. Of such horrifying craft had Melkor crafted it, that it can never stop to rest, lest it be drowning due to lack of breath.

If any good had Melkor placed into the sharks, it be their lesser need for food and warmth and sleep, and their senses are heightened. The High Sharks can even leave the shores, to escape the sea's wrath for a moment, while looking for safer waters to swim.

But even these are foul deeds of Melkor, for the sharks are meant to subvert the rule of Vala Ulmo, the king of Sea and Lord of the Waters. Never wil it have freedom, thought Melkor, as he intended it to be his soldiers, as orcs and balrogs were on land.

But Melkor's strategem was not meant to be. For Maia Ossë, the once servant of Melkor and traitor of Ulmo, had returned to Vala Ulmo. This happened, for the love of Maia Uinen, the wife of Maia Ossë, is far stronger than the seduction of Melkor. Soon after, The War for the Sake of the Elves had begun.

-Story breaker, my patient readers-

"Aüle, break the gate here!" cried Manwë Súlimo, after blowing away the legion of werewolves heading towards him. Many cracked their heads, some whimpered away, while others were entangled by the vines of Yavanna. Aüle tears the gate of its hinges with one fell stroke of his hammer.

The fighting is terrible for both sides, as Maiar and creatures of both sides lost their strengths or lay dead. Some Balrogs attempted to stem the charge of the Valar, by lining up in battle formation before the broken gate, but Tulkas himself had charged through the Balrogs, knocking them out. Varda threw a minuscule orb of light into the dark labyrinth, disorienting the dark creatures unused to light. Some had fled to the meatgrinder that is Tulkas, while some were turned to stones when the light touches them.

Long after the battle began, Melkor was tied in chains of Aüle, Angaimor. He was dragged away, kicking and screaming for his right of Arda. Ulmo just watched sadly as Melkor was dragged past him.

"Ambitious fool."

Ulmo then turned to Ossë, "Where are the creatures of the Sea that you speak of?"

"I believe the room is close by, My Lord. Let me show you the way."

As Ulmo enters the room, his eyes watered, despite wearing the raiment of water himself. The sharks were dying, along with other perverted marine creatures that Melkor hadn't released, on the floor of the room, gasping for water so that it could breath.

"Bring me some aquariums, Ossë."

Ossë obliged, caring to fill it with seawater and freshwater, for Melkor had experimented on inhabitants of both creatures. Ulmo placed the creatures into their required waters as quickly as he can. His Maiar followed his example.

"Come, bring them to my palace. I shall ask Yavanna to help."

Alas, even Yavanna, the Valië of plants and animals, are helpless to undo the designs of Melkor. Ulmo can only sigh, confine the creatures in his underwater palace, and do what he can only do now.

Ulmo prayed to Eru for deliverance from Melkor's torture to the creatures. He prayed the most for the sharks, for it will be the bane against the Children that might have the desire to cross the seas, if their curse were not removed.

Long had Ulmo prayed, when one day Eru answered his prayers.

"Greetings, child. I've heard your plea. But, I shall not undo the craft of Melkor unto every of my creatures he had changed. For have I not told him, in front of all of you, of what he designed, is of my Music too?"

"O Father, have mercy on these creatures, for they are close to my heart, and closer still to Yavanna. Long has she laboured for their existence, and long do I desire their freedom, if not for their harm to other creatures."

"All animals will eat and be eaten, as will plants. Even the mightiest of animals will die, and be eaten by the lowliest of creatures. It is as the Music I made decreed. Release them, for they will also have a part in this world."

"Then my Father, give them the wisdom to not dine on other creatures."

"I shall not, my child. Even my Firstborn and Secondborn Children will not escape this fate. They will eat, and sometimes be eaten."

"Then let me have a child of my own, with which to defend some of your Children from the rest of the sea, and to defend the sea from the Children's malice."

At this, Eru stopped communicating for awhile. Then He continued.

"Very well. I shall give you two, the High Sharks and the Dolphins. Seven pairs of each kind will be given the Secret Fire, to aid you in your domain. But they shall be sleeping now, until the Elves nears Aman. And you shall have a part in the Elves' journey."

"As you decreed, Father."

After Ulmo finished his prayer, he released the creatures that Melkor had perverted into the sea. Except for the seven pairs of Sharks and Dolphins, which Ulmo kept in his castle, to sleep until their time has come.

But, dear readers, why would I babble about the beginning of the High Sharks and Dolphins? What has it have to do with Chris McLean?

-Story breaker, my patient readers-

After five to six ages of the Sun, we now come to the second part of my story. The part where Chris McLean preparing for a concert. Situated near a beach, it meant to be an event tailored for surfers and beachgoers alike. And Chris McLean, a young, up and coming boyband singer, is invited to show his sweet moves.

"Ow! My head!"

An intern lifting the set lights sheepishly apologises to Chris McLean, before running to the other end of the stage. He knocks Chris' jaw on the way, prompting him to shout Ow! for the second time. Chef shakes his head, diapproving the intern's carelessness. He walks over to Chris.

"C'mon Chris, let's put some steak on your wounds."

"No way, Chef! The concert's gonna start soon, and I'll look like an idiot if I have two steaks tied to my face."

"Stop bitching about it, Chris. Fans want commitment, and you have to give it to them. Tying steaks to your face is a sure sign that you are committed."

"That sounds stupid.", said Chris as he pouts.

Chef simply frowned at him.

"Ooowwhhh! Alright. But if my fans laugh at me, you buy me beer tonight."

"I already intend to."

The concert went smoothly. From 9 am to 2 pm, Chris took the stage three times. No laughs, no jeers, just cheers and some confusion as of why the hot young singer had two steaks tied to his head. But he sings so well, that the confusion disappears, and everyone is rocking out. Chris smiles as bright as a 100 watt mentol when he steps of the stage.

"Told ya, Chris.", said Chef.

Chris smiles sheepishly.

"Guess I won't get free beer."

"Hey, I wanna spend some money on my buddy, and you are on the list!"

"No thanks, Chef. I wanna swim for a while. Mister planner, when my shift ends?"

"It already is! See you tomorrow, 5 pm."

"Awesome! Chef, wanna join?"

"No thanks, I wanna drink with the others tonight."

"Your choice. Bye!"

"Take care!"

-Story breaker, my patient readers-

Chris swam out to the ocean, bare except for the underwear, some ducky floats he tied to his wrist, and the two steaks still on his head. He happily swim near the shore, enjoying the cold waters of Vancouver. Chris is not a fan of hot climes, which later contributed to his sadism in the host shows he later hosted.

He swims happily, oblivious to the concert going on not 200 feet from him. Little did he knew, that Ossë plans to play a little trick on Chris.

In a form of a rip current.

Chris was pulled by the sudden current. He attempted to hold his breath. Years of swimming and lifeguard classes and duties, which he took to support his rise to stardom, taught him to not fight the current, but to hold his breath and conserve energy. He was pulled away by about 300 feet, according to his own recollection later. But we weren't there, were we?

As the current died out, Chris calmly treads the water. He finds it a bit troublesome to swim his way back to shore. So he places his ducky float around his waist, and started swimming. He has some time, the sun is still around the horizon.

But his time is short for another reason. For a shark has seen something four-appendaged weird-smelling floating being slowly around the water. Curious, it tries to investigate. Being shark it wondered, how does it taste like?

The shark swims closer and closer to Chris.

Chris suddenly felt rather odd. He removes his float, and dives. He saw a shark lunging towards him. In a split second, Chris rips off one of his steaks still tied to his head, and slaps the shark's nose. Surprised by the rude being, the shark whimpers and rubs its nose. Chris felt sorry for it, and dangled the steak before the shark.

The shark nodded in excitement. Chris throws the steak into the shark's mouth, and the shark responded by wagging its tail like a dog.

Another shark swam by, panting like a dog to gain some food from Chris. He took his second steak, and tosses it to the panting shark. The shark gulped it down, as the steak moves lazily through the water. Then the sharks held Chris by their fins, and they swam back to the shore. Chris feels happy for the sharks' service, especially since the sharks puts Chris' head above the water, so he could breath.

"Thanks sharks. Now leave quickly. If the lifeguards saw you, you're sushi."

The sharks waved to Chris, before they swam speedily to the setting sun.

-Story breaker, my patient readers-

"Allright workers! Listen up!"

Everyone in the production crew has already assembled near The Dock of Shame. Chris coughs a bit to clear his throat, then continues.

"All of you will be paid, but not all in money. We are running on tight budget, and we can't afford to pay anyone. So interns, you are working without pay. Me and Chef, full-pay, the rest, half-pay."

Groans, hisses and boos are heard. Chris elbows Chef lightly. Chris then plugs his ears.

"QUIET!" shouted Chef.

Chris then removes his ear plugs.

"Thank you Chef. Now, interns, even if you weren't paid, you are still entitled to meals, hospital visits due to injury, and some freebies and a certificate to show your participation in this show. At least that will allow you to find a better job."

At this, Chris and Chef snickered.

"Now, camera crew, technicians, interns, and every staff here I didn't care to mention gets a paltry share of royalties, according to net profit. So try to cut costs when applicable. That means pay for your own hospital bills. Heheh."

"Now, I'd like to introduce to you some of my new friends. If you can please divert your attention to the water, according to the direction my finger pointed at."

Everyone looked at the water, looking at wherever Chris was pointing, to see, a few sharks waving back at them. Some fell unconscious, some shouted rather femininely, especially the women, while some rubs their eyes in disbelief.

"Now, these are trained sharks, which by their right of sentience, also are fully registered Canadian citizens AND members of the worker's union. Sharks, if you will please move to land and introduce yourselves."

The sharks try their best to waddle confidently to land. Their gait, despite being funny, is not inducing laughs from the workers. They are still too afraid to make fun of something that can eat them for lunch. The sharks and coworkers shake fins and hands together, with the sharks flaunting their name tags to introduce themselves to them. The workers nodded, and shows their in return.

The sharks also looks at the name tags of those who are unconscious. Some who snapped out of it becomes unconscious again out of panic.

"Now everyone is acquinted with our finly coworkers, it's time for lunch. Sharks, I'll need you at the Dock of Shame, but get into the water."

The crew, the conscious carrying the unconscious, heads to the cafeteria for their rightful meal. Which Chef admits, is far better than what the contestants will be eating later. Chris heads to the Dock of Shame with a bucket of steaks. He tosses the steaks, one by one to each of the sharks. The sharks greedily gulps it down, and licks their lips.

Chris focused his thought unto one of the sharks. He waits for a shark to send a thought of Roger! to Chris.

"You can read my mind, and we can answer back and forth. Why do you act like a dog when we first met?"

The shark projected his thought back to Chris.

""Cause humans understand dog language the best."

"Oh. All right, all sharks, think up!"

All sharks diverts their attention to Chris. Chris thinks of what he intends to tell the sharks.

"Today, you may hunt and play, but tomorrow by 8 am sharp, get ready near the cliff. Your first job is over there. Man the bigger circle, but don't enter the smaller one. Frighten the contestants, but don't kill them. Oh, and don't kill any humans that falls to you. You are now citizens of Canada. Kapisch?"

The sharks immediately saluted Chris. They channel their thought towards Chris.

"Sir, yes, sir!"

-Story breaker, my patient readers-

"What are you typing, Thuringwethil?"

She was shocked to her bones when Mithrandir shows up out of nowhere. She quickly closes her laptop.

"Oh nothing Mithrandir! I'm just writing fanfiction!"

Mithrandir shapes himself to an intangible form. He is now a young man with a slick walking stick and wearing grey T-Shirt and jeans, with matching grey shoes.

"Mind if I have a look?"

After letting Mithrandir read her story, he chuckles a bit.

"You have quite an imagination."

"That's why I love Sauron in the first place. Ah, if only he's still here..."

"Have faith in our Father, Thuringwethil. And if Sauron returns in peace, we will support him all the way."

Thuringwethil hugs Mithrandir.

"I knew you are the best! Now let me send this to fanfictiondotnet!"

Mithrandir left her room, while Thuringwethil uploads her story to her account:

SierraTotalDramaGossipress.

**Author's note:**

**I hope you enjoyed the story. The fans of Silmarillion and Total Drama may not coincide much, but there are still some in this world, and a good chance they may be unsatisfied with my fic. **

**I am well aware that Sierra had an actual family on her audition tapes, and J.R.R Tolkien had not told of the origin of sharks. It is just an attempt to bind an obsessive fangirl with the actual Woman of the Secret Shadow, that I had not believed to be actually dead. Spirit beings, being dead? I can't swallow that.**

**Also, if there is SierraTotalDramaGossipress on this website, or throughout the internet, I apologise for misuse of the name. I craft it on top on my head, and if it is a real account, it has no relationship with this fiction. I intend it to be fictional. Hope it remains so.**

**Anyways, if there are faults or problems with my fics, do complain respectfully. I am of a tender heart, and I apologise again if I ruin the fandom for you.**


End file.
